I love you forever and always
by TheHunger-TheBones
Summary: She lies in her bed night after night wondering why the good guys are supposedly good, why they say she's evil. She's not evil, she's broken, she's lost, she's been tortured by life and the people that were supposed to love her. TRIGGER WARNING. oneshot.


First story on my new account, be nice, I'm fragile :P

WARNING- do not read this if you are easily triggered, SERIOUSLY. I was nearly triggered writing it, if you're unsure, please don't risk it.

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She lies in her bed night after night wondering why the good guys are supposedly good, why they say she's evil. She's not evil, she's broken, she's lost, she's been tortured by life and the people who were supposed to love her. She's done so many evil things, but she herself, is not evil. Evil cannot love, evil doesn't know what it's doing, evil thinks it's doing good. Maybe that's what they were, the White Knight, Prince Charming, sweet little Snow White, maybe they were evil trying to do good, maybe they thought they were succeeding, they didn't see her as a person anymore, they saw her as an obstacle, something that needed to be destroyed. They saw her death as a goal.

She drinks bottle after bottle of cider and wine, trying to fill the void left from an absentee son, a son that filled the void of a dead lover, a dead father, a mother who was more like a puppeteer than a loved one. But don't worry, those scars on her body, that's a sign that good is winning, even she knows its better if she's dead, it doesn't matter if she cries, each tear is a lie, each bottle is a sin that she will never apologise for. Good is winning, evil is falling apart, the Evil Queen, she's nothing now, she's turning to dust, she can't handle loneliness, there's no-one left to tell her they love her, there's nothing left for her to get up in the morning for, so she lies there, a bottle in one hand, a blade in the other. Don't worry, good will prevail.

That woman, that broken lonely woman with nothing left to live for is too much of a threat, she wants to die, but she also needs to, that's good. She'd throw herself at your sword if you raised it at her, hand her a vial of poison, she'll do the rest. The nightmares these days are too much for her to handle, so just let her sleep, its kinder this way.

She knows that they hate her, that its only a matter of time before there's a mob at her doorstep clutching weapons and fire, there's no tower for her to hide in, no amount of apologising will convince them, they'll see trickery behind honesty, they'll assume foul play, they will all see lies and plots and they will kill her anyway. She's too clever not to know, she's seen darkness all her life, she knows how to recognise it in another's eyes.

She leaves her room for the first time in days, blood trickling down her arms and spotting the carpet in her misery, she doesn't care, this will be her last time seeing her home. She looks into every room, but only enters her office. She sits at her desk remembering when paperwork and picking Henry up from school was her biggest concern. The blood flow from her wounds is stopping, for now, but this only makes it easier for her to write her suicide note.

She writes one letter, page after page, she mentions them all, she apologizes time after time, she tells Snow how her Mother taught her that love is weak and if someone has hurt you in the past then you should destroy them. She apologizes to Charming, he was guilty of nothing but falling in love with someone who had hurt her, he would have done anything for her, she understands his place, she was in it once. She tells Emma that she never hated her, she feared the White Knight, she was so scared of losing it all, those fears came true but Regina still doesn't hate her. She tells Emma that once, she thought they could be together, she thought that maybe, the White Knight could save her, she was an idiot. She tells them what they already know, that she's a lost cause, far beyond saving, that she's sorry. Lastly she writes a message for Henry.

_I'm sorry, I love you forever and always. Goodbye._

Thanks to magic, she doesn't have to even stand up to send them the note, it's transported instantly to Emma's bedroom, she knows that she will see it in the morning, Emma will know that her enemy is gone, that there need not be any more fighting, Emma will rejoice, all of them will, even Henry.

She sits at the desk with the pills in her hand, washes them down with another glass of wine, past the point of being saved, she pads unsteadily to her bedroom, smearing the blood on the ground as she walks, a half empty bottle in her hand, she uses the other to steady herself on the wall, there is a trail of blood there as well. When she lies down, she takes the blade and runs it over her skin, again and again, there will be no saviour tonight, not for those who don't want to be saved.

When she falls asleep, she does not dream.


End file.
